I am a childbirth educator because I love to talk about birth and help couples achieve their birth goals. So when a friend asks my advice on pregnancy, natural birth, or breastfeeding... I love it. I love it just as much as when a couple signs up for my class because for me, this is about the information, not the money or a business, even if those are necessary aspects of this work. However, no matter how many messages we exchange, my friendship and my advice aren't enough to help you have a natural birth.
Natural Birth Requires Commitment Some couples do zero preparation and still have a natural birth, I'm not denying that it's possible. However, with the social, cultural, and medical obstacles to normal birth couples face today, there's usually a great deal of luck involved when that happens. Commitment can come in the form of the financial commitment of hiring a doula, midwife, purchasing books and taking a birth class; the time commitment of traveling for access to a supportive provider, taking a comprehensive natural childbirth class, practicing relaxation exercises and following up on resources your teacher gives you; and the commitment to take responsibility for your birth by getting the information you need to make informed decisions. In a birth class I provide information that I expect couples to take in, process, and make their own. When you are in the thick of birth you won't remember what I posted about two months ago, it has to be something you have intentionally learned about, in context, and made the information apart of you. Natural Birth Requires Context Do you remember what it was like to take a college class? There was an order to learning the subject. Your professor had specific information that came in the beginning of the course, then built upon that information over the semester, and then finally at the end, if you showed up and did the work, you had an understanding of the subject. If your professor just gave you random articles and answered questions as you thought of them without providing context with a structured curriculum, your knowledge of the material would be disjointed and likely inadequate. This is one of the reasons why taking a class is so important. I can't speak for every curriculum, but each of the ten Birth Boot Camp classes play a part in preparing couples for a natural birth. The information is built upon, strategically presented so it makes sense and is easy to learn. Will I withhold information I teach in a class from my friend who asks, absolutely not, but my advice lacks context so it may not be as valuable as it may seem. Natural Birth Requires Forethought If you posted or texted me that you are in labor chances are I'll be up refreshing the screen until you post a birth announcement... so calling me at 2am because you need advice isn't an issue. I've answered those calls, I will give it my all every time... but I'm sad to say it usually doesn't help if the couple hasn't prepared beforehand. When you are blindsided by an induction or cesarean recommendation in the final weeks of pregnancy, or your water breaks at the onset of labor but you had planned to labor at home... it's too late to consult google, or me, or that book you promised yourself that you'd read. Now it's happening, your emotions are involved, maybe your provider or partner is playing on your fears and you are questioning everything... but even if you find the right advice for that moment, lacking the reasons behind the advice will make it very hard to follow. I'm not that doctor who rolls their eyes when someone says "hey can you look at this?" at a party. I love to talk about my work and I want you to ask me questions. But without making the decisions necessary for a natural birth like taking a class and hiring a supportive provider, my advice will not be enough. It sure would be flattering if it was. I hope my rants on social media and blog posts inspire my friends to learn more and take responsibility. I'm cheering you all on from my computer screen!
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I had the pleasure of speaking at our local International Cesarean Awareness Network yesterday on this topic, and now I'm posting my list here. Before reading please know that you can do everything on this list and still need a cesarean. This list is to help you either avoid an unnecessary cesarean or a cesarean caused by interventions used inappropriately. There will always be some women who truly end up needing a cesarean for the health of her and her baby. No one thinks they will have an unnecessary c-section, but many c-sections are preventable. The personal beliefs and philosophy of your doctor, the policies of your hospital, and the decisions that you make before and during labor can all make a c-section necessary that could have been avoided. Right now 1 in 3 American women are giving birth surgically. If a vaginal birth is important to you, then you need to take your birth seriously.
{One} Choose a Natural Birth Some people see a natural birth as an attempt to gain bragging rights, or a selfish mother’s desire for a specific birth experience. However, the interventions that are necessary for a medicated birth come with very serious risks, many of which increase your chances of a c-section. This is referred to as a “cascade of interventions” and poses a real danger to mothers and babies. Preparing for a natural birth will help a couple avoid many of these risks and a surgical birth. {Two} Maybe Don’t Hire a Surgeon to Attend Your Normal Birth “It is no longer feasible for individual physicians who have invested 12 years in training at the cost of hundreds of thousands of dollars to dedicate extended periods to observing one normal woman in labor." (Macer 1992) Many women don’t realize that much of an obstetrician’s training is in surgery. Some MD’s went into obstetrics not because of a love for natural childbirth, but because of their love for surgery. This is of course not the case for every doctor, but it’s something to consider when deciding on your provider. Highly trained surgeons are exactly what you want in an emergency, but in a normal birth, they may see complications that aren’t there and act prematurely. Some obstetricians hold the personal philosophy that surgical births are a simpler, easier way to birth, so they might be more likely to try to "save you" from your vaginal birth. Ask lots of questions and pay attention to how encouraging your provider is when you express your desires. Their reaction does matter. Worldwide most expecting mothers hire midwives to attend low risk pregnancies. If a midwife finds mom to need specialized care, mom transfers to an obstetrician. This model shows better outcomes for mothers and babies. A midwife is a medical professional who has received extensive training in both facilitating normal birth and recognizing possible complications. Prenatally she does everything an OB does in a typical appointment, though is often more thorough. {Three} Skip Providers Who Ban VBACs A VBAC ban says a lot about your provider’s philosophy and knowledge when it comes to birth, as well as the hospital’s preparedness in the case of an emergency. If your provider does not attend VBACs despite the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and The National Institutes of Health‘s 2010 recommendations to do so, what other recommendations are they not following? Where else are they not providing the safest, most evidence based care? A hospital that does not allow VBACs often gives the excuse that they can't because they do not have an obstetrician or an anesthesiologist on the floor in the case of an emergency. This may seem reasonable, but wouldn't every couple choosing a hospital birth want a labor and delivery unit that is fully prepared for a sudden emergency? In reality this risk is very low, but many couples choose hospital births to have immediate access to emergency care, it's important to know which hospitals do not provide this. {Four} Know C-section Rates Find out the c-section rate for both your hospital and your provider. Hospital rates are easy to get, you can simply go to cesareanrates.com. You can get your provider’s rate by simply asking them, “how often do your mothers need a c-section?” That’s a little less confrontational than “What’s your c-section rate?” If your provider is defensive or doesn’t want to answer, that’s a red flag. The World Health Organization recommends 10-15%. Locally hospital rates vary from 23% at Sutter to 33% at CHOMP. {Five} Take a Natural Childbirth Class A natural childbirth class will teach you the risks of a c-section and skills to avoid one. Be aware the difference between a birth class that simply informs you of options, and a natural birth class that gives you skills to achieve your goal of a vaginal birth with a past record of helping other couples achieve their goals. A good natural birth class can cut your chances of a c-section in half. Couples who chose the curriculum I teach, Birth Boot Camp, only had a 14% c-section rate in 2013, and I can say personally none of my students delivered by cesarean last year despite a few long (40+ hr) labors. The decisions these couples made prenatally likely prevented a cesarean in labor. {Six} Let Baby Choose His or Her Birthday In other words… don’t get induced unless absolutely medically necessary. Many women trust that their doctor will only suggest an induction if it is medically necessary but that just isn’t true, couples must be informed. An induction DOUBLES your risk of a c-section! {Seven} Don’t Take Pregnancy Laying Down Getting plenty of rest in pregnancy is important, but so is staying active! It has been reported that women who are sedentary though out their pregnancy have 4X higher chance of needing a c-section. Staying active can keep you healthy and low risk. Be sure to also eat a balanced, whole foods diet with plenty of protein to remain low risk. {Eight} Hire a Doula Most couples don’t think they need a doula, but doulas have a real measurable impact on how your birth plays out. Having a doula present has shown to lower the c-section rate for those couples by up to 50%! {Nine} Shut Down Negativity Do you have a sister who loved her c-section? Is your mom telling you that you are just too thin to birth a baby normally? Women make these kinds of negative comments to expecting women all the time, not really considering how it may affect her. These comments are more about themselves than the expecting woman, they are voicing their own fears, disappointments, or insecurities. You can choose to remind them that birth is normal and you are making informed decisions to have a safe birth, or simply let them vent their feelings, knowing they are about them and not you. Try to surround yourself with women who trust birth and read positive birth stories. {Ten} Choose a Comfortable Birth Environment A mother who is terrified of the hospital will likely be unable to open and birth vaginally there. A woman must feel comfortable and safe for oxytocin, the hormone that causes contractions, to work properly. Feeling anxious and scared causes a surge of adrenaline which will interfere with oxytocin, slowing or stopping labor. Does mom desire a home birth but dad is anxious? Dads, do your research and help your partner birth where SHE is most comfortable, otherwise you may be setting her up for a risky surgical birth. Whether you choose a hospital, birth center, or home birth, be sure it is an environment you are extremely comfortable in. {Eleven} Hospital Birthers, Labor at Home A common reason for a c-sections is “failure to progress,” which much of the time means mom and baby were not in any real danger, labor just took longer than the doctor or hospital staff were willing to wait. Some women labor the textbook 12-14 hours, but many don’t, that’s just the average. Long, slow labors happen more often than you think, though not normally in a hospital because those moms are given medications to speed labor or c-sections. Once at the hospital there is a good chance you will be on the clock so consider not going until you are very close to birthing your baby, which you can determine with the help of a natural childbirth class and a doula. {Twelve} Use Movement Movement and gravity help baby move down, and movement can be an excellent way to cope with contractions. Lying in a bed makes labor longer, more painful, and some babies just cannot come down when mom is lying. Some hospitals require women lay in beds with monitors strapped to their belly. Studies have shown that this increases the rate of cesarean without improving outcomes for babies. Choose a provider and birth place that uses intermittent monitoring. {Thirteen} Keep People & Things Out of Your Vagina A common intervention is cervical checks which are done by inserting two fingers into the vagina and then into the cervix. This can be mildly uncomfortable or painful. A cervical check can push bacteria into the body, causing infection, maternal fever, and ultimately a cesarean. Cervical checks can also lead to a “failure to progress” diagnosis. Some doctors order internal fetal monitors for women which can also lead to infection in addition to restricting movement. Even in labor your body is still your body, frequent cervical checks are not necessary for a normally laboring woman. {Fourteen} Options for Butt Down Babies For babies who are breech (butt or feet coming first) some doctors will only do c-sections and not even inform women of the other options. Women carrying a breech baby can seek chiropractic care, acupuncture, moxibustion, find a provider who will do an external version to turn baby, or choose a provider who will attend vaginal breech births. Yes, babies can be born breech safely! In Monterey County we have several obstetricians and midwives who will suggest all the above and are happy to assist vaginal breech births. Ask your provider early on what their protocol is for breech babies, if he or she says c-sections are the only option, consider switching to a provider that will be more honest while helping you explore your options. If despite your preparations you still need a cesarean, it's ok to feel a sense of loss. It may seem like all of your efforts were for nothing. None of us are promised an uncomplicated birth, but by being informed, choosing a supportive provider, safe birth place, and being an active participant in your birth you may be able to find comfort in knowing you and your birth team did everything necessary for a safe birth. If you are hoping to prevent or are recovering from a cesarean, I encourage you to join a local International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN) chapter. Some additional resources: The Unnecesarean VBACFacts.com ImprovingBirth.org A Precipitous VBAC with 3 True Cord Knots Sara took my birth class while preparing for her second VBAC. She is an MD going into obstetrics so teaching Sara made for some interesting birth class moments... like... "so in the event of a c-section..." Sara: "oh yeah, when I do a c-section..." Haha oh yeah... you're a DOCTOR. I hope you enjoy the miraculous birth story of Sara's third baby, thank you for sharing it with us Sara! This is Raphe's Story We took our seats in church just as we do every Sunday. We’d been in a bit more of a hurry to get settled after running later than usual. This Sunday was my oldest daughter’s fifth birthday, and she’d spent most of the morning playing with her new toys and scarfing down chocolate chip pancakes. Getting dresses on and hair done had been particularly difficult, but I promised I’d help her build her new Lego set later that afternoon. As we sat down in the pew and started to sing the opening hymn, I felt a familiar tightening in my very swollen belly. Today was my due date, but I’d been having Braxton-Hicks contractions for weeks. I’d even had a few “false alarm” evenings when the contractions were particularly strong and increasingly regular. But nothing had panned out yet. I’d joked with A that she might get a baby brother for her birthday, but didn’t really think he’d come so predictably. By the time we were done with the song, the contraction was starting to subside. Twenty minutes later, the first speaker took the stand and another tightening started. And twenty minutes after that, another. Like clockwork, two or three more series of contractions happened every twenty minutes. My second baby, my first VBAC, had been what they call a “precipitous” delivery. I’d labored for about two hours with a transition of 15-20 minutes, 15 minutes of pushing, with five pushes total. I’d ended up with a perfect, VERY alert baby girl and a third-degree tear (this kid had flown out!). With my third, I was planning on delivering in Salinas at Natividad Medical Center despite living in Monterey (30 minutes to the Southwest), because the Community Hospital in Monterey Peninsula does not allow VBACs. Period. They are 100% b-a-n-n-e-d. I figured if this little guy was as precipitous as R had been, I’d better start heading toward the hospital as soon as I suspected active labor. My contractions had only been going on for a little over an hour, and they weren’t painful yet, but they were regular, strong, and getting more intense. I told my husband we’d better head out to the hospital just in case – better to be sent home than risk having the baby on the road! We left our two girls with some close friends who had planned on hosting them when the “big day” came. We grabbed our pre-packed bags and set out for the hospital. By the time we were halfway there, the contractions started getting intense enough to take my breath away. They still weren’t painful, just incredibly strong with a lot of pressure, and closer together. I was so glad the roads were clear and lights were green. If we’d attempted this drive during 5pm weekday rush-hour, I think I would have throttled the driver. At the sign-in desk, I had to stop talking during contractions and pace back and forth until they eased. Still no pain, but lots of pressure. Due to R’s quick delivery, the nurse completed my admission and showed us to our room. She took vitals, placed my hep-locked IV, and checked my cervix. I was dilated to 4 and 75% effaced at 0 station. Within 20 minutes my contractions had escalated from pressure to pain, and I used a birthing ball to moan my way through them. My husband let me hold on to his neck to take pressure off my belly, and I bounced slowly until the wave passed. During the next 20 minutes, the pain became impossible to “bounce” through, and I started throwing my upper body across the patient table (the one on wheels that they serve your meals on) and squatting down as close to the floor as possible. Stretching my body as long as possible was the best way for me to get through each increasingly intense crest of pain. I’m a pretty vocal laborer, and my nurse was very intuitive. She read my cues and decided to check me again – dilated to 7, 100% effaced. The pain gave way to intense pressure and the urge to push became unbearable. I asked her to check again within five minutes, as with R I’d gone from a 3 to 10 in less than 15 minutes. Sure enough, I was fully dilated. The doctor arrived (he was a hospital fellow on weekend call) and I started to push with each contraction. My water had still not broken and baby’s heart rate was starting to drop between pushes. They broke my water, but it took a few attempts – had they not done it manually I’m pretty sure he would have been born in the caul! I get pretty focused during the pushing phase, so I was only vaguely aware of what they were saying, but I could see the looks on their faces. “Meconium in the fluid.” “Late decelerations.” When they asked me to give him a break on the next contraction, I knew they were concerned for his well-being, and that if I didn’t get this kid out (and quick!), I’d be getting cut again. I tried to pause on the next contraction, but there was no stopping him. I knew he’d started crowning when I felt that familiar burning sensation, and I knew I could have him out with one more good push. They’d told me to wait again, but he was having none of it. Ten seconds later I felt the last rush of relief as his body slid out into the world. They’d warned me I wouldn’t hear him cry initially, that they wanted to suction him well before they stimulated a good, robust breath out of his lungs. I saw him only briefly before they took him to the warmer, and he looked bluish and floppy. He’d had a knot in his cord just above where they’d clamped and cut, which explained the disconcerting heart rate during delivery. I didn’t worry though – I just knew he was okay and wasn’t even remotely concerned. He would cry when he was good and ready – it was as if he was telling me this himself. After a minute of suction and stimulation, I heard his first little growl. It wasn’t a cry per se, but it was strong and reassuring. As soon as his heart rate and oxygen saturation were stable (about five minutes), they brought him to my chest and he began nursing vigorously. This kid was alert and ready for life! After I delivered the placenta, the doctor and nurses were astonished to find two more knots in his cord. That’s a grand total of three knots, three complete, true knots this kid had managed to tie in his cord. Now one knot increases the risk of infant mortality during delivery fourfold. This kid had THREE. Dr. Chandler would later tell me he’d never seen or heard of three cords in any medical literature, that my little guy might be a recorded first. But Raphe (short for Rapheal, from the Hebrew for “God has healed”) had absolutely no problems, no damage of any kind, no complications whatsoever. He was a nursing champ from the get-go and alert as a hawk. It didn’t hit me until much later what a blessing that was – with all that could have gone wrong, he had come to us, safe and sound, like some crazy Olympic gymnast with a perfect dismount. Raphe was 6 pounds 15 ounces and 19.5 inches long. I think the knots may have kept him from getting much bigger, because my girls (also full term) were 7 pounds 8 ounces and 22 inches, and 7 pounds 13 ounces and 22 inches. Raphe has grown over 5 inches in four months and now weighs 15 pounds.
We’d arrived at Natividad around 2:30 in the afternoon. Raphe was born at 3:17pm, so I’d labored for even less time than with R. Had we not left when we did, had we not packed and arranged childcare previously, had we hit traffic, had we delivered in the car on the side of the road next to a lettuce field, had we, had we, had we. . . We were truly watched over and blessed. I have no doubt Raphe is destined for great things, as I’m sure most parents feel about their children. If nothing else, with such a dramatic entrance into this world, I’m sure the next 18 years will be nothing if not entertaining. A Natural Hospital Birth... w/ hashtags #BirthBootCamp #naturalbirth #onlineclasses As soon as Ray and Dana announced their pregnancy I began looking forward to their birth story.Dana is a talented writer and hilarious, and I couldn't wait for her take on birth. I'm so honored Dana is letting my share it with you, I mention her birth in every birth series I teach. Ray messaged me asked for good resources. I listed a few of my favorite books, but told them they really needed a natural childbirth class if they wanted a natural birth. There were no Birth Boot Camp instructors close to them at the time so I suggested they take Birth Boot Camp online. I was thrilled when they signed up. You can read about Dana's journey to a natural birth here. She calls me fanatical... #nottrue #oksometimes. The Birth of Washington Ray Washington’s story begins Friday, June 14, 2013. I had a doctor’s appointment that afternoon, but since I wanted to go into labor naturally (including not having my membranes stripped), Dr. Carnes didn’t check my cervix. My due date wasn’t until the 22nd, and as a first-timer, I was prepared to go late and battle my doctors for the right to deny induction. I had no reason to believe I would be going into labor. I hadn’t had any Braxton-Hicks contractions at all. My only “labor symptoms” were a pinky discharge that I didn’t think qualified as the bloody show and a cold, which I was informed did not mean my body was preparing to give birth. (How was I supposed to know? Last time I got a stuffy nose and sore throat, I thought it was nothing but a cold. Turns out I was pregnant!) Ray had left that morning at about 8:15 am to work a dreaded 24-hour shift. The night before, we joked about how inconvenient it would be if I went into labor while he was on (or recovering from) an overnight. We laughed it off. I was confident I had plenty of time. But just in case, I petitioned God. I wrote in my prayer journal, “Ray works overnight tonight which is a bummer. So I pray I don’t go into labor in the next two days so Ray has enough time to rest up.” Bahahaha. I went to bed at 1 am (because I’m a night owl who never gets to stay up late anymore!), and at 4:45 am, I woke up with what felt like serious menstrual cramps. Having never experienced Braxton Hicks contractions, I didn’t know if this was a contraction or just me not feeling well. That line right where your underwear sits across your lower abdomen ached. I lay there and focused all of my attention on What The Heck My Body Was Doing. And I realized, Ah...the pangs were coming and going! And it felt like my insides were tightening! So it must be a contraction! Cool. I thought, This is no big deal. I can do cramps. I mean, they hurt, but whatevskis. I got up and drank my glass of water and laid on my left side just like you’re supposed to when you first get contractions. If they were BH, they would go away after about an hour. Well, an hour later, they were still going strong. So I figured, I should let Ray know. So I picked him up at 5:45 am. We both had a little breakfast snack and went back to bed. I woke for each contraction, even though these early ones were mild, until finally getting up around 10. I let Ray get a couple more hours in (remember he’d been up for nearly 24 hours). We spent the early afternoon getting last minute things done. I was mostly straightening up the apartment. Ray at some point decided to perform surgery on the vacuum cleaner because it wasn’t working right. Obviously. *insert eyeroll here* (Looking at all the evidence, I firmly believe I did not “nest” a single moment of my pregnancy. Ray did all the nesting in our family. I cleaned lightly because it was on a checklist of things to do Before Baby.) Later that afternoon, Ray convinced me to chill out and watch my early labor distraction movies. So I showered and then labored on my “birthing ball” (AKA the yoga ball) while watching Star Trek: The Motion Picture (circa 1979). This was probably when I looked the most like all the birth videos I had watched. I was in my bathrobe with a heating pad on my lower back, head resting on my arms resting on the ball on the living room floor. I felt very zen. The contractions weren’t fun. But I was managing fine. I tried not to call them painful (a natural birth no-no), but they were. By 2:30 pm, they moved firmly from the mild to the moderate column. My body also prepared for war, evacuating me of every last substance in my body. I continued to eat like normal, because...well, I was hungry. Around 8 pm, Ray left to get groceries. (Obviously.) While he was out, I made myself a bath, then we went to bed. At 10, contractions were undeniably strong. At midnight, I wrote that they were “starting to wear on me. Trying to stay strong.” (Code for: “This freaking hurts. But I know it’s going to get worse.”) I could no longer lay down and sleep. I started out in bed, standing for each contraction while Ray slept. (I was trying so hard to be tough. I didn’t want him to help me until I really needed help. And it’s a good thing too…) At 1:45 am, I took bath/shower. But regular home bathtubs are not equipped to handle a giant pregnant woman with contractions. I wanted to relax. I would lay back during off minutes and, when the next one hit, heave myself over onto my hands and knees, leaving only part of my giant belly in the water and the rest of me exposed to the cold air. It was awkward and ultimately not all that relaxing. So I eventually gave up on the tub altogether. Then began the circus of sleeping arrangements. I couldn’t lay on the bed anymore. So I slept on the floor in the baby room and labored on my hands and knees. But that didn’t last long. I decided I needed Ray’s help. Poor guy. I slept upright in chair with my head resting on my arms resting on 2-3 pillows resting on our kitchen bar counter while Ray slept on the floor by the piano. I’d jump up and lean on the chair for each contraction with Ray squeezing my hips through them. We did this for HOURS. Not the best rest by any stretch. Around 7 am, we decided to…help labor along in the most natural way we knew how… Ahem. Gotta say, during labor, it’s not nearly as fun as not during labor. For me, this was for birthing purposes only. (And I’m glad for my husband’s sake we did because the following six weeks were a doozy.) Afterward, I labored straddling toilet, attempting to sleep propping my arms on the tank. I chose Sleeping At Last to be my labor soundtrack. It was a great choice. Around 10 am, contractions were coming hard enough and close enough that I wanted my doula there with me. Danielle arrived around 11 am and did counter-pressure with me for a little over an hour until we all decided it was finally time to go to the hospital. Riding the car with contractions wasn’t as bad as I was expecting, but still wasn’t fun. I’m glad our hospital is only 15-20 minutes away. We shuffled through the parking lot. I walked around the lobby, squatting for contractions which hadn’t felt good earlier but was a requirement for these intense ones. Before we went upstairs, I decided to use the bathroom. Danielle asked if I wanted her to come with me. I balked. I’ve always been pretty shy when it comes to my body. I never stripped naked in the locker room even when my fellow volleyball players did. My roommate in college never got a really good look at EVERYTHING I’ve got going on. I’ve peed in front of like 2 people and my husband isn’t one of them. I reallyreally wanted to tell her, “No, I can pee by myself.” But then a contraction hit. Ow. So I decided, okay, this is the moment my modesty goes. I’m in labor. She’s gonna see a lot more of my parts than me sitting on the pot. So I let her join me. It was weird trying to pee and it felt like I didn’t really have to go as bad as I thought. By this time, I really felt like I had to poop (TMI?). I kept trying, but nothing was happening. She helped me through the contractions (I was already getting kinda vocal). When I left the bathroom, I remembered it was Sunday now. Father’s Day! This might be my last chance to call my dad. He didn’t answer so I left a message that basically went, “Hi dad. I just wanted to call and say Happy Father’s Day. And as a gift I’m giving you a grandson. I’m at the hospital and IhavetogobecauseI’mhavingacontractionsBYE!” We moved slowly toward L&D, but I couldn’t walk through these contractions. I stopped and squatted for each one. I even labored in the courtyard outside L&D, hoping to make as much progress as possible before surrendering myself to the hospital. At 1 pm, I checked in. This was the worst part. To be admitted, you must be contracting for 1 minute, 4 minutes apart, and 4 cm dilated. I was SURE I hit all of those qualifications but there’s only one I couldn’t check for myself. (What? I don’t know where my cervix is. I’ve looked. It all looks like...you know what? Let’s not get metaphorical about my lady business.) I got into triage and ditched my pants. They belted me. I had to wear the horrendous contraction monitor for 20 minutes so they could confirm active labor… and I wasn’t allowed to move with it on. I agreed to this when they put it on me. But when those first contractions hit, I thought, there’s no way. I need to move. I’m in crazy intense pain. And I’m just supposed to lie there and take it? It gets worse. The nurse came in. She seemed professional…and unimpressed with me. She had me scoot down and spread ‘em so she could check me. I had never felt pain like that in my life. I don’t know what it is they do exactly when they reach in to “check” you, but it hurts like a swear swear swear. I screamed and tried to back away from her intrusive prying unkind hands. She retracted and with a smack of her latex gloves announced, “You’re closed.” “What?!” I said, traumatized and no longer even resembling a person holding it together. “You’re 80% effaced and closed.” “What do you mean ‘closed?’ How many centimeters is that?” “Zero.” “Zero?” I couldn’t stop the tears them. How was this possible? I mean, I’d heard plenty of stories about people who come to the hospital too early. But I waited 33 hours. I waited until I was sure it was the real thing. And I wasn’t dilated AT ALL? My prayers started sounding pathetic at this point. I was begging God to help me because I couldn’t imagine doing this for 12 or 16 or 24 more hours. A doctor came in. He was young and also looked unimpressed by me. I’d been making a lot of noise. So yeah. He said he was going to check me now too. Which terrified me because I already knew I didn’t want him to do it. Why go through all that pain just to hear the same thing? What could have changed in 5 minutes? I scooted and spread for him (Joy.), and he reached for the stars. My scream was a visceral thing. I said, “YOU HAVE TO STOP NOW!” And tried to back away again. He unreached and said stiffly, “Yeah, you’re only 2 cm dilated, 50% effaced.”I was crying a lot now. I felt every kind of violated. I know they were just doing their jobs (and I learned later it hurt so badly because I was still posterior), but I held it against them personally for also making me feel like crap. I hated both of them unequivocally and that hasn’t change. I still don’t know why I went from 80% to 50%. But going 0 to 2 wasn’t really an improvement because they still wouldn’t admit me. It was all terrible. So I put my pants back on and began the long shuffle back to the car with a spirit I can only describe as utterly hopeless. The contractions had gotten worse from the inactivity. The pain was excruciating. The squats were harder to get down into and especially to get back up out of. We made it to the lobby and I had to pee again. Danielle came with me again and as I peed I noticed it seemed...different. When I thought I had stopped peeing there was still something leaking. We waited and the trickle continued. I was almost certain I wasn’t peeing (but things get crazy during labor. Maybe I was losing sensation down there!). But maybe that bro had broken my water with his nether reach. She left me alone in the bathroom to find me a pad because obviously I didn’t bring any because obviously I’m a moron. I feel bad for the mother and daughter who came in while I was alone and moaning and groaning. The mom explained I was having a baby. But I’m sure the little girl is scarred for life. Danielle returned with a pad and helped me begin my journey back upstairs. Along the way though, my legs started shaking. I felt exhausted and I wasn’t even admitted yet. How could I keep doing this? I could no longer labor in squats. I got on my hands and knees every time and walking became all but impossible. I finally made it to L&D again, this time just to check if my water broke. We asked not to have my cervix checked. I wouldn’t do it. I just wanted to know if my water has broken. If so, they’d admit me regardless of my dilation. If not, I’d request some Ambien to help me get some rest and go home. The doctor (who I’m convinced hated me) begrudgingly agreed. The nurse (who I’m ALSO convinced hated me) got out the speculum. She said, “Okay, I know this is uncomfortable. But I need you to lie as still as possible. No flailing and moving around.” As in, not like last time. I agreed and gripped Ray’s hand and forced myself to relax even though contractions were coming and I was laying down with a monitor belt around my waist and them putting things in my hooha when something else wanted to come out felt like death. But it didn’t hurt as bad as being checked. They swabbed me and quickly confirmed my water was leaking and I can be admitted. Yay. Because regardless of how many centimeters I was, I was SURE I was in labor. I thought, My baby is coming soon. He better be, or he’ll be born in serious trouble. I changed into a gown. And a new nurse, who would be my nurse, came to give me my IV. This was something we fought for a while. I abhor needles and have terrible veins and always wind up getting stuck over and over. Or they search for a vein for so long that the anticipation makes me want to hyperventilate and vomit. But ultimately we agreed, because 1) it’s their policy and we really couldn’t NOT agree, 2) they agreed to just give me a saline lock without fluids, and 3) I wound up positive with GBS and had to have antibiotics anyway. Joy. Shannon was my nurse’s name. She was blonde, pretty, happy, nice. But she stuck me twice in my left arm and didn’t get a vein. She told me she only tries twice then she gets someone else. And she rarely misses a second time. But I was the lucky winner that day. (#hatinglife) A different nurse came in to stick me and got it the first time. But I’d have a bruise on my left arm for two or three weeks from where Shannon tried. The doctor came back and said they had to wait until I’m further dilated before they could give me an epidural. I told him with as much confidence as I could muster through my drying tears that I planned to do this naturally. To his credit, he didn’t laugh, roll his eyes, or do anything that confirmed he thought I couldn’t hack it. I was already doubting myself, but he just said, okay then. I asked if my doctor had been informed that I was there. He said she’s off duty/doesn’t work on the weekends so she wouldn’t be delivering me. I almost had a conniption. “She told me you would call her when I was admitted, and she would come in. She assured me she would deliver me.” He said he’d see what he can do. I have no idea why this conversation even happened. I want to call the doctor a moron. Of course she has regular office hours, but she is my maternity doctor. She’s not an OB, but she is responsible for my obstetric care. So...get her the frick on the phone. Now my plan was always to walk myself to my room because letting them sit you in a wheelchair projects an image of needing to be saved, so the medical staff tries to intervene/interfere more. Walking projects strength and capability. I made it one step out the door and a contraction hit. I dropped to the floor like I’d been shot, got on my hands and knees and yelled through the pain. I didn’t feel strong. My legs felt like they couldn’t hold me anymore—even on hands and knees. The nurse said, “You can’t do this here. We’ve got to get you to your room.” And she and Ray tried to get me up. But I couldn’t move. I wanted to be able to walk myself there so bad, but when they rolled up a wheelchair and plopped me in it and whisked me down the hall, I didn’t protest and I was secretly very, very grateful.These contractions felt like Satan and all his demons trying to break out of hell via my body. Which is to say—OW. They wheeled me straight to the bathroom and suddenly my doula had returned to me. I have no idea how that happened. Maybe Ray went to get her as I was flying down the hallway. Either way, I was glad to see her. I still felt like I had to poop (TMI?), but clearly I was not in transition or even near ready to push. In retrospect I believe this sensation was because Wash’s head was already SOOOOO LOW in my pelvis that he was putting pressure on my rear. (Result of hours and hours of counter-pressure?) I was not able to poop for all my trying. In the bathroom I had my first of many hysterical breakdowns. I labored on the toilet for a while, then tried to walk back to the bed. I didn’t make it out the door. The next contraction had me back on the floor. I remember looking up at Ray on one side and Danielle on the other yelling, “I don’t think this is right. I can’t do this anymore. I’m too tired. My legs are dead. I can’t even stand.” I looked at Ray, crying, panicking, and said, “Please, please let me get an epidural. I know it’s not what we wanted. But I’m too tired to keep doing this. I feel like I am breaking in half.” He said I was doing fine. Everything was okay. I could do this. At the time, I felt like he didn’t understand. This couldn’t be normal! He didn’t believe how my strength was really GONE. He thought I could get up and walk to the bed and push out a baby, but I was sure the only thing I could do was lay on the floor and die. #melodrama I was so scared. I begged him to pray over me. I wanted to feel calm. I wanted to feel reassured that God was with me. That I wasn’t alone, because for all my support from Ray and Danielle, I felt the weight and the burden and the pain in my body on my own. I can’t imagine going through that WITHOUT support people. But they are emotional and moral support. They are there to get me out of my head and believe in myself and my body. But my God is the God of my body. He made me this way. He made women for birth and motherhood without the interventions of medicine and medical professionals. And I wanted to talk to him and remind him that I was down here doing what he made me to do and could he please for the love of Himself help me?! Ray didn’t want to encourage my panicking. He reaffirmed that I could do this. This is normal. I was doing great. And he helped me get back out to the bed. When my next contraction came, I hit the floor again. My legs were shaking, giving way to muscle failure. Suddenly I felt hot all over. All I had on was the robe, but it instantly became much too much. I yelled, “Get this thing off me!” And yanked at it. Ray and Danielle helped too, Danielle going so far as to pry one of the more difficult snaps with her teeth. They got me up onto the bed where I continued to labor on my hand and knees while spewing aggressive barbs at Shannon The Nurse because she forced me to wear the baby HR monitor, the band of which wrapped directly over my lower abdomen where my contractions were attempting to rip me in half. At one point I tried to use the squat bar, but I hated that so I went back to hands and knees. Apparently I was very calm between contractions. Quiet, zen. I honestly don’t remember this much. The doctor kept wanting to check my cervix to see if I had progressed, but I said no. I didn’t need more pain. Give me time to dilate without sticking your germy hands all inside me please and thank you. With each contraction I thought I would pass out. The pain would be too much and I’d just go unconscious. Thinking of the ocean, reciting poetry or Psalms, all of that was gone. I would cry and say over and over, “I can't do this any more. I don’t think I can do this anymore. Please please please.” I was a basket case. I’m so embarrassed by this. At some point a couple hours later my doctor, Dr. Carnes, came—hallelujah. I was so relieved to see her. It’s not that I particularly love her. I just know her. She is a family medicine doctor, young, introverted, and sometimes...she seemed like she didn’t have a freaking clue about hospital policies or practices involving birth. But she’s assured me several times that she has delivered lots of babies. I kept her because she agreed to work with me toward a natural birth and was open to laboring AND delivering in any position, which sadly I didn’t get to prove. I finally let Carnes check my progress even though I was terrified to hear another depressingly low number. She announced I was 7 cm! I had gained 5 cm in 2 or 2.5 hours. Just one away from transition. And I’d been feeling like I was in transition since I was admitted. I couldn’t imagine it getting worse. But I was ready to move on. I was ready to get that freaking baby out of my freaking body. “Seven centimeters,” I said, in awe. “I’m doing this. I can’t believe it. I’m doing this!” Danielle says this was her favorite part. She and Shannon apparently looked at each other and got a little teary watching me realize that I could do this and was in fact already doing it. I had this incredible moment where I thought, I’m actually going to be able to give birth naturally. I’m getting close to the end. And then my baby will be here. And I’ll have “done” birth. I’ll have succeeded. That was a heady awesome feeling. Soon I began shaking uncontrollably. My stomach roiled, and I said, “I think I have to throw up.” Shannon immediately placed a bucket under my face. And hurl I did and did a lot. But this was the LEAST scary moment for me. My contractions didn’t change in a way that I noticed (not yet), but feeling the shakes and throwing up, I knew what was happening to me. This was normal. This happens. It meant I got to push soon. So I was surprised to hear an hour had passed since I was checked but I was still at 7 cm. I swung from confident in what my body was doing to extreme frustration that my body hadn’t progressed. Maybe my attitude affected my perception of these next contractions, maybe I was exhausted and fed up from consistently severe contractions, or maybe this was real transition and the contractions became severe-er—but I started to lose it. I went deeeeeep into the psycho place. I did exactly what Donna Ryan said you shouldn’t do if you want to keep yourself under control. But it was involuntary. I tried to back away from my body. I pushed with my arms as though I could physically distance myself from my waist. Ray tried to help me. Told me I was panicking. Reminded me that I could do this. But I was freaking out. I wanted this to end. And I was willing to do almost anything to get there. Shannon stepped in and asked me then what my baby’s name was. “Washington.” She told me to say it again. So I did. Over and over and over. Washington. Washington. Washington. It became my new mantra. Just his name on my lips was encouragement to me. Six pm finally rolled around, and with it the news, that I had at last, at last reached 10 cm. (For those keeping track, I went from 2 cm at 2pm to 10 at 6!) Doc said I didn’t have to push yet if I didn’t feel the urge. But I said, “I want to push.” I didn’t have the urge, per se. *rolls eyes* But I had decided that it was time. Mentally, I thought if I’m at 10, then there’s nothing stopping me from speeding this thing up. She said she’d let me push once to see if that brought the baby lower in station. My very first push, I moved the baby from a 0 station to +2. Everyone was impressed, and Dr. Carnes said I could keep pushing if I wanted since I made so much progress. Sadly, I could never push as well as I did that very first time. Indeed, a lot of metaphors were thrown at me in an attempt to help me push the right way. I did it right probably one in five times. Not breathing for 10 seconds in a row, I discovered, was not possible. It led me to screaming out the last few seconds which was a waste of my voice and strength and got me in trouble with everyone every time. I wanted to yell though. I wanted to scream myself hoarse with frustration and anger. Why the heck was I doing this? Let them cut the kid out of me for all I care. I just wanted it to be over. (#heckamelodrama) Anyway, going for a 7-second push was better. But my contractions no longer seemed long enough to make progress. And pushing without the momentum of a contraction cost me strength I didn’t have and didn’t progress me at all. It was aggravating to make it all the way to the pushing stage and to feel again like I couldn’t do this anymore. Laying slightly reclined, I had to get creative with the position of my legs. Stirrups were never offered. No, instead I stuck my giant horse legs up in a proud exultant V on the squat bar. I imagine when I’m on my death bed, if I decide to pinpoint the least dignified moment of my existence, this will be it. Naked as the day is long. Screaming my head off, spewing mild to moderate profanities. Legs, like steeples, pointed toward heaven. And all of my private bits very publicly exposed to God and everybody. They offered me a mirror several times. I thought the only thing worse than exposing everyone to all my private parts is to see for myself exactly what they are seeing. But soon, the next worst thing was about to happen. Leg cramps. The act of pushing requires you to pull your knees up to your chest and curl forward like a sit up and squeeze your whole body, including your legs. I can’t explain how impossible that seemed at the time. The only issue I really had with pushing was how exhausted my legs were. Each time I felt defeated by them. And when the leg cramps—which I had been staving off for hours—finally set in, I thought I would go mad. My toes curled and my calves twisted wretchedly, leaving me panicked (again) because how could I focus on having a baby when my legs were trying to break themselves?! Apparently this was quite an ordeal. Danielle insists a good chunk of time was devoted to me trying to work out the cramps in my legs. I would sit up pathetically, impeded by my still sadly gigantic and baby-full belly, and reach for my legs, which were too far away, and squeeze them in imitation of how I wanted to massage my calves. I put Ray on one leg and Danielle on the other, but I couldn’t show them where the cramp was. And they didn’t know how to rub them. All the doctors and nurses didn’t offer to help, and I felt like they thought I was crazy. The consensus was that my priorities were out of order. I was having a baby and needed to ignore my spasming legs to push him out. Ha! Easier said than done. That is like saying I’m going to squirt salt water and lemon juice in your eyes while you shoot a bow and arrow. And the consequences of not hitting the center target is major abdominal surgery. At 7 o’clock, the nurses change shifts. Shannon told me she’d stay. She’d stuck with me this long and she needed to see this baby. I was grateful. Her replacement was already there, a black lady named Pam with good best-friend-in-a-sitcom qualities, if you know what I mean. She is not the only extra body in the room. Roll call: me, Ray, Danielle, Shannon, Pam, Dr. Carnes, her attending, douchey doctor from earlier, and a male pediatric nurse waiting for Wash. Every time I pushed they would ALL yell to keep going, push harder, almost there almost there ALMOST THERE. But I couldn’t sustain it. I would let go, and they would fizzle like popped balloons. Each time, Dr. Carnes would press inside, I’m assuming this was a perineal massage and she was trying to protect all my bits from tearing. But it hurt like a mother and started to piss me off. So I may have exasperatedly said, “What the heck are you doing down there? I don’t like it.” And she stopped. Shannon found a warm compress and THAT felt heavenly. Then things got kinda crazy. The monitor around my waist couldn’t track baby’s HR anymore because he was too far down, and since I’d been pushing for so long and his heart rate naturally dipped with each contraction, they thought it was important to keep monitoring him. They wanted to attach one to his head. This was one of the things we didn’t really want to do. Ray and Shannon conferred over me about whether this was something that could be avoided and decided it wasn’t. He agreed to it, and I trusted him to make that decision because I was starting to become delirious. Suddenly Pam was there helping me push. She gave me the best direction for pushing. And with her on my left by my face and Ray next to her and Danielle on my right, the chorus of encouragement was overwhelming. After a long while of useless pushing, I decided to see what all the fuss was about. I accepted the mirror and watched myself push. When I saw that my baby’s head went out out out OUT when I was pushing and then aaaaaaaall the way back in when I let go, my head literally tilted to the side. Huh. That’s ridiculous. I thought all this time he was inching his way forward. But it’s more like a suction than a train. On the next push, his head stayed halfway out. Danielle was excited, “He’s not going back in!” I grunted. “I’m holding him.” She also loves to tell that line. She makes me sound like a feisty pirate saying, “Aye, matey!” Which I guess is pretty cool. In any event, I had decided he was not going back inside. He was only going out. Whether this was a good decision or not, I don’t know. At the time, it was the only thing that made sense. With the mirror, I became much more motivated. I remembered I was the only one who could get that baby out. I had to focus, try not to think about my legs and push. The next several minutes are a blur to me. Literally. I took off my glasses (I wish I’d been wearing my contacts. Maybe I would’ve really seen Wash born. :/). I was in a state of absolute delirium. I pushed. I cried. I was all over the place. Mostly I had no clue what was going on. I was just going through the motions. I remember the ring of fire as my baby boy crowned and I watched that happen. I was freaked out by how much blood I could see and didn’t know if that was because I was tearing or if it was normal. Then finally his head was out! But suddenly his heart rate dropped. In my memory, the room became a hurricane of motion. They told me I HAD to push. He had to be born RIGHT NOW. I dug deep. I thought if I didn’t get myself together something horrible would happen. Without my glasses and in the craze, I was sure I saw my doctor reach her entire hands inside me and pull my baby out. But she didn’t. I was sure she had to cut me wide open to get him out. But she didn’t. I pushed one final incredible time and he was out. Because the professionals in the room were freaked out by his dropped heart rate, they forced Ray to cut the cord immediately and ran Wash over to the side to check him out. But within seconds, he started crying. And Ray said, “He’s okay. Hear him? He’s fine.” And I could hear him, and I was so so happy. I kept saying, “It’s over. It’s finally over.” Since Wash didn’t immediately start breastfeeding, I let them give me Pitocin to stop the bleeding. Shannon congratulated me and told me he was beautiful and she was glad she stayed. A few moments later, they placed Wash in my arms, and I was immediately overwhelmed by him. His beautiful face. His tiny hands. His adorable curls. His wrinkly skin. My button nose. He began breastfeeding right then. His skin on my skin. He was all mine. And I was all his. In that moment, I was fundamentally altered. I thought I was a whole person. And in a way, I was. But with my son in my arms, I discovered this whole other side of myself that has been dormant and waiting to be revealed. And that missing piece is fierce and passionate and tender and impenetrable. It’s the mommy piece. I’m not sure I ever knew who I was before. I’ve spent years trying to figure it out. But I know I was made for this. For pregnancy. For birth. For motherhood. I’m a mom. And I love it. Washington Ray Moore was born on Father’s Day, Sunday, June 16, 2013 at 7:39 pm. He was 7 lb 10 oz, 20 inches long. I labored a total of 40 hours (34 hours early labor 4.5 hours active labor, 1.5 hours pushing). And I did it all naturally. I’m so proud…of both of us.
You can read Ray's thoughts on our birth story in my friend Cori's article "Birth Matters to Dads." When I first became interested in natural birth I was pretty opposed to hiring a doula. I shrugged them off as unnecessary or for moms who didn't have a supportive partner. Gosh I was wrong about hiring a doula! Of course I could not have foreseen what my labor would have in store for me, but I could have better prepared by hiring a doula. Now there are tons of posts on the benefits birth doulas. And on what doulas do. Sometimes (lots and lots and lots of times) I hear couples say "I don't think we need a doula." If you've said this to me, this post is not about you specifically. This happens a lot. Imagine I am a dentist writing about that one time I found a cavity. That's how often I hear "I don't need a doula." Let's explore some reasons couples don't think they need a doula, and why they still do. "I don't need a doula, I'm taking a birth class." I am so glad you are taking a birth class! It is essential that you and your partner prepare for your natural birth with nutrition, education, and relaxation. When you leave my class you will have everything you need to have an amazing birth... including my recommendation to hire a doula. Yep. That's part of it! Can you have a positive natural birth without a doula? Sure, but a doula can make the whole experience easier and more enjoyable. Ten hours into labor your excitement may have faded, the details of your birth class may become fuzzy, and you and your partner may feel lost. Your doula's knowledge will not become fuzzy and she, as an expert in natural birth, will help guide and comfort you. Your class is your map, your doula is your compass. You need both. And if you think you can skip the class and hire the doula, read this. "My husband will be my doula." Your husband shouldn't be your doula anymore than he should be your midwife or obstetrician. Your husband should be your husband. He should love and comfort you the way he knows how and with the tools he learned in class. But there are skills he will not have. Do you have any idea what this doula is doing? Does your husband? Maybe you are thinking "I don't want a woman I've only met a few times doing that." You may be thinking that now, but when she does that and all of a sudden your contractions are 100% more manageable not only will you be ok with her doing it but you will be begging "do that thing do that thing dothatthing!" at the start of a contraction. Actually... that probably won't happen, because she will just do it before you even have to ask because she knows exactly what a woman starting a contraction looks like since she does this all. the. time.
Your husband doesn't know how to do that thing. He doesn't know how to do a lot of birth things because he doesn't work with laboring women. This is a doula's job, she helps laboring moms (and dads!) feel better physically and emotionally. How are you going to say no to that? Notice in the picture that the doula is working on physically comforting mom while dad is loving and encouraging her. Mom and dad are still deeply connected, the doula supports that connection and does not interfere with it. Without this doula mom may be so uncomfortable that she and her partner would not be able to enjoy these tender moments. And if dad was the one using the rebozo (that's the fabric the doula is doing that thing with), then who would be in mom's ear loving her? "We are having a home birth, my midwife will be my doula." Your midwife probably won't be your doula. A midwife is there to intervene if a complication arises and to monitor you and baby. Your midwife is a wonderfully skilled lifeguard. Her job is not to provide emotional and physical comfort for a woman laboring normally*, it's to help you birth your baby safely. A home birth couple will still have to labor and still deserves the support of a doula. *Some midwives work in teams and one midwife, maybe an assistant midwife acts as a doula. Ask. Just because you have two midwives doesn't mean one will be your doula. "It would be weird to have someone other than my husband at the birth." Historically women have always comforted women in labor. It is actually weird to not have a woman knowledgeable in natural birth present to comfort mom and provide guidance. Up until birth moved to the hospital and support women were left in the halls, women were comforted by women... and it worked! You know what doesn't work? Leaving mom and dad in a sterile hospital room alone with no support. Tired and discouraged in a foreign environment, those couples often watch their natural birth slip through their fingers. A doula will be someone that you will get to know over the last months of your pregnancy. She will not be a stranger, she will be a friend. In contrast, there may be 2-3 nurses and 1-2 doctors that you have never met at your birth... and guess how many of them are going to rub your back? Probably none of them because they have their jobs. Of the many people that will be in the room, make sure one of them is a doula. "Baby is low, I'll probably have a really fast labor, we won't need a doula." In class we talk about 5 hour labors and 25 hour labors and I know a lot of couples think they'll get the 5 hour labor. Well... maybe... but realistically you will fall somewhere in between. I want to see my couples filled with confidence and excitement, but not to the point that they under prepare. In my last class three couples labored for more than 40 hours! Guess how many of them thought they would labor for 40 hours? Dads are you ready to support moms for 40 hours? Have you ever done anything for 40 hours? A doula has, she will help you. "We can't afford a doula." I compare a birth to a wedding day often. How much time and money did you invest in that one day? When it comes to the birth of a child there seems to be a disconnect between the importance of the event and a willingness to invest financially in it. Couples decide to forego the home birth they desire because the insurance will not cover it, or choose an unsupportive hospital because they will have to pay less out of pocket. Well... how much more important is the birth of your child than your wedding day? I don't know your finances, but if it meant having the natural birth that I desire and a better Birth Day for mom, dad, and baby, then I would start selling things to make that happen. My first birth cost over $30,000... double what my natural hospital birth cost. Yes we had insurance, but we still had to pay a percentage. A doula could have saved us a lot of money, and we could have had a better birth! Some doulas charge using a sliding scale and give military discounts. Some insurance plans cover doulas. This friend had to choose between taking a vacation that year and a doula. She chose a doula and had her first natural birth after 3 medicated ones. You have options, get creative... if this is your first natural birth you really can't afford to not have a doula. Will a doula ensure you will have a perfect birth. No. Can you still have an amazing birth without one, absolutely. You still deserve a doula. You may only give birth a few times in your life, these are special days that you will remember forever. I know many couples who have realized that they should have hired a doula, my husband and I are one of them. If you are still hesitant, do a little more research, you don't have to commit to anything. Check out yelp reviews of local doulas, browse your birth network listings, ask your care provider or childbirth educator for referrals. Interview a few doulas or attend a Meet the Doula event, you might be surprised how quickly you click with one. I posted this to my personal blog when I was preparing for the natural hospital birth of my first baby and I've gone back to reference this list with every pregnancy. With each baby I've added to my list with each baby, and figured out what I don't need (pads, diapers for baby, they'll have that stuff). Many couples preparing for a natural birth plan to leave for the hospital late in labor to avoid routine interventions, which is smart, but sometimes baby has other plans and you may labor at the hospital longer than expected. Come prepared, most hospitals are not equipped to help naturally laboring mothers so what you bring is important. Is there something you found comforting in your natural birth that I left off? Share your story! October 13, 2009
I've been talking about packing for the hospital like every day for 2 weeks. I got the bag, I got the stuff, I just need to introduce them, but for SOME reason this is hard to do. I guess my laziness is pretty epic right now. I am nearly positive that I will not start packing until I'm in labor... Eric agrees. I just keep thinking, "Well I need to pack this... oh but I might need it, I'll wait." I think that makes sense. Anyhow how, to create the illusion of progress, I'm going to blog about packing... instead of doing it. I'll pack tomorrow... maybe. I have two smallish bags, a labor bag and postpartum bag. This makes it much easier for your partner to find whatever mom needs quickly. In my labor bag I have: • My birth plan, a few copies • Tape so I can tape a birth plan to my door • Birth Boot Camp Field Manual for affirmations • Something for Dad to occasionally time contractions, there's an app for that • A pad and pencil to write down questions for staff • A super comfy robe & slippers • Something to wear in the tub • Pillows • Hair ties and butterfly clip • Lip balm (deep breathing = dry lips) • Super soft wash cloth, for sweaty face wiping • Tennis ball for counter pressure and massage • Awesome smelling massage lotion or essential oil (fave: peppermint!) • Hard candies (faves: peppermints and orange) • Snacks: protein bars (fave: Luna Bars), oranges, drinkable yogurt, honey sticks • Coconut water (has electrolytes!) and chocolate milk (great recovery drink!) • Small ice chest (we have one that is a bag) with cold packs, hospital may be able to supply them so ask at the tour. We brought our own. • Small crockpot and at least 2 herbal rice wraps (one can be warmed in the crockpot while mom uses the other) You doula might have these • Birthing ball, ok I can't really pack it, but it's coming. You might find the size or softness of the hospital's ball uncomfortable. • iPod, ear buds, & dock • Camera & charger • Cell charger *If you have hired a doula (highly recommend) she may have a lot of this stuff, so talk to her about what you should bring. In my postpartum bag: • Nursing bras and pads • Jammies • Leggings (fave: Secret Belly Leggings) • Slippers (in case the others got wet) • Cute sweatsuit set for going home • Contacts & contact stuff • Toothbrush and toothpaste • Travel shampoo, conditioner... etc • Make-up, brush, hair dryer and straightener (yes, I use them) • Razor • Mirror to put on bed tray, so I can get pretty in bed • More snacks! Breastfeeding moms are hungry! • Change of clothes & toiletries for Dad • Going home outfit for baby • Receiving blanket • Laptop, in case we have a long stay Well, those are my favorites! Please share yours! A birth plan for couples planning a natural hospital birth can be a double edged sword. It is a great tool to help you and your partner decide what interventions you want to avoid, who will cut the cord, etc. It's a great way to organize your wishes and begin a discussion with your provider about them. However, a birth plan can also give couples a false sense of security. Some couples think that their birth plan is a shield that will protect them from unwanted interventions. Unfortunately that is not the case. Think of your birth plan as a list of requests. You may get everything, you may get nothing, in most hospitals you will probably get some requests honored, and that mostly depends where you are birthing and who is attending the birth. This uncertainty is scary for most couples, as it should be! So what are couples planning a natural hospital birth to do? Learn Your Options Don't google "natural birth plan" and just copy what you find online. You need to learn your options, the reasons behind hospital interventions, and what alternatives are available. The best way to do that is with a natural birth class. A weekend course will not give you enough information if you are planning a natural birth. One thing you will learn in a comprehensive class will be the impact each intervention has on birth. Instead of just writing "no IV" and hoping for the best, your childbirth educator can give you concrete suggestions on how to avoid this intervention without fighting with the staff. No mother should have to fight while she is in labor! Make a Plan With Your Partner Sit down with your partner and figure out which options are important to you. Once in labor, mom will need to focus on being relaxed and open, so it's important that dad knows mom's wishes and can advocate for her. Take Your Plan to Your Provider Do this early! Not at 37 weeks... as early as it occurs to you that you want a natural birth. Pay close attention to your provider's reaction and be prepared to switch. Just because you have liked your provider up to this point does not mean they will be supportive of your desire for a low intervention birth, which may be inconvenient for them or make them feel vulnerable to malpractice suits. Listen to what your provider says and how they say it. If you want freedom to birth in whatever position is most comfortable and your provider says "well you can push standing on your head for all I care," that is not support! That is sarcasm. They are not taking your wishes seriously and you should not expect to be respected any more than this in labor. If your provider is skeptical or unsupportive, then there is a very good chance that once in labor, your birth plan will not be respected, or even looked at. Consider switching, it may feel awkward, but I assure you, he or she will probably never think about you again and the switch can be done without ever telling them face to face. Just find a supprotive provider and have their office call for your records. Contact your local Birth Network or ask your childbirth educator about providers that are supportive of natural birth. Your birth plan should help you find a provider that will help you achieve your desired birth. Choose a Supportive Practice If you have a supportive provider, make sure that if they rotate call with a team of other providers that they are also supportive of natural birth and mother-friendly care. If your doctor agrees to intermittent monitoring, even signing your birth plan and putting it on your chart, but the on call OB is uncomfortable with it because they are ignorant of the research on intermittent monitoring or because of malpractice fears, then there is a good chance you will be monitored continuously. If you are in an unsupportive practice then the thought of finding a whole group of providers that believe in natural birth may feel daunting, but they do exist! Getting the "wrong" doctor in a practice can be the difference between the natural birth you desire and a c-section. Take Your Plan to Your Hospital Sometimes your provider may be supportive of your birth plan, but the hospital is not. You will not be able to change hospital policy with your list of requests. Take a tour, bring your plan, and instead of asking if the hospital will "let" you do what's on your list, see if their standard policies match your desires. Is it standard that babies are given right to mom after the birth? Or is it standard that they are taken to a warmer and brought to mom later? Even if they say they will bring the baby to you, though it's not standard policy, there is a good chance that the nurses will forget and whisk your baby away, because that's what they do for every other birth. If it's hospital policy that once your water is broken you have only 12 hours until you are given a c-section, even if you are strong willed and plan to refuse it, It can be an impossible battle to fight in labor. Doctors and nurses can be very persuasive, especially if they bring up a possibly dead baby. Use your birth plan to find a hospital that is used to accommodating naturally birthing mothers, otherwise a day that should be beautiful might be filled with conflict and disappointment. Keep in mind that a hospital is a business and they want you as a customer, they may initially tell you what you want to hear. Be a very skeptical consumer and shop around. It is not unreasonable to travel 30 minutes to an hour for a supportive hospital. Can't We Refuse? In a hospital nothing can be done to you without your consent, so why can't you simply refuse to lay in the bed or to get an IV? Well, you can, but you probably won't be able to stick to your guns in labor, or continue to labor while sticking to your guns. A laboring woman requires a safe, peaceful environment for the hormone that causes effective contractions, oxytocin, to flow. Conflict may cause an adrenaline rush which inhibits oxytocin. Labor may stall, so mom may need Pitocin to start labor again, but then she will need an IV, continuous monitoring, maybe an epidural to cope with being confined to the bed and the stronger "Pit" contractions. Conflict will also cause her to be tense, making contractions much more painful, causing her to likely need chemical pain relief. The fight itself ends up robbing her of the natural birth she was fighting for. You are also not the first couple to refuse an intervention that the hospital staff truly believes will help you birth more safely. They know exactly what to say to change your mind. And remember, mentally you will not be where you are right now reading this, you will be in a very vulnerable state. Another possibility is that you will never be given the opportunity to refuse. My first birth plan was 2 pages of "we do not consent to..." Like many other couples we believed it would protect us in a hospital that was not supportive of natural birth. The on call Dr. did not look at it and broke my water before I even knew what he was doing. Once my son was born, they cut his cord immediately, even though we asked for delayed clamping and for my husband to cut the cord (they let him trim it later, very anti-climactic). This is not uncommon. Keep It Simple Once you have chosen a supportive provider and birth place, keep your plan simple and easy to read. One paper posted on your door with a "yes please" and a "no thank you" column will be just enough to remind the staff that you are having a natural birth. I love these visual options some couples are choosing. Ultimately, your birth plan should be more than a piece of paper, it is all the time and energy you put into preparing, interviewing, and investing in your birth. Don't make your birth plan something you have hide behind, you won't be able to any way. Use it to build a birth team that wont just tolerate your desired birth, but celebrate it!
It's not uncommon for a couple to find themselves deciding between Birth Boot Camp and Bradley Method classes. Both classes are about the same length, Birth Boot Camp classes run 10 weeks (25 hours) and Bradley classes run 12 weeks (24 hours). Both classes are in the same price bracket: $250-350. Both classes advocate natural childbirth and seem to cover many of the same topics. Considering the similarities, if I was planning to invest in a birth class I'd want to talk to someone with experience with both, so I decided to put together this guide. The Bradley Method In a method class a specific approach to birth is taught and encouraged. The primary coping technique taught by Bradley is sleep-simulation, a form of deep relaxation where a mother quietly lies on her side and practices deep breathing. She should look asleep to the people around her and she should be laboring in bed: "After good, firm, regular uterine contractions are established, when she wishes to go to bed, escort her back to the labor room." (Husband-Coached Childbirth, p67) Dr. Bradley developed his method in 1947 by observing laboring animals, and women who labored confined to beds, the only way women labored in hospitals at that time. If we go to countries where laboring in a hospital bed is not the cultural norm, women often times labor and even birth upright, though still deeply relaxed. The premise of Dr. Bradley's method is that the woman will be expected to labor quietly in a hospital bed, his cultural norm as a 1950's obstetrician. We now have better information. Lying down in labor can cause malpositioned babies, increased pain, and a longer labor. Furthermore, a naturally laboring woman often times isn't quiet. Low rhythmic moaning can be very comforting and is a sign of a mother who is coping well in labor. Encouraging women to birth using a method means that some couples will be left stranded at their birth if the method doesn't work for them. Birth Boot Camp is Not a Method Birth Boot Camp does not teach that there is a right way to birth. Birth Boot Camp encourages women to listen to their bodies while in labor. That means every woman will move, vocalize, and birth their baby in a way that is most comfortable to them. Couples learn to achieve deep relaxation in a variety of positions, what kinds of vocalizations help mom open, and how to listen to the different sensations of labor and birth. Once you are in labor, you will know what is and is not working for you! Birth Boot Camp provides options, pros and cons, and techniques, but a woman's needs in labor will be unique to her. Husband-Coached Childbirth In addition to sleep-simulation as the primary method of labor, the other foundation of the Bradley Method is husband-coached childbirth. The organization that trains Bradley instructors is the American Academy of Husband-Coached Childbirth (AAHCC) and the name of Dr. Bradley's book is Husband-Coached Childbirth. Dr. Bradley advocated "The use of husbands as labor coaches (instead of female 'monitrices, doulas, labor companions, or labor assistants')." (Husband-Coached Childbirth, p236) Making someone a coach implies they have played and are experts in the game. It's very unlikely that Dad is an expert in natural birth, and even if he is, his expertise will likely be useless in the height of such an emotional event. Dr. Sears does a wonderful job of articulating what many dads have felt: "Birth reformers came up with the job title 'coach' as a way to get fathers into the delivery room, thinking that most men would identify with the word because they understood sports. Unlike sports, however, few men understand birth and no man has ever labored out a baby. My first experience as a birth coach came nearly twenty years ago. At the height of the game of labor I totally forgot what I had learned at practice and did what I naturally do best - love my wife. Once I dropped the role of coach and took on the role of lover, the whole process became easier for me." (The Birth Book, p57) Ultimately, labor does not need to be coached. Let mom birth her baby the way nature already has designed and let dad love and support her. As for the female labor support people Bradley mentions, from the beginning of time up until 100 years ago, laboring women were attended to by knowledgeable, sympathetic women. Women, whether a midwife, or mother, or sister, who had been there and understood. While labor doesn't need a coach, mom and dad can benefit from a knowledgeable, caring guide. That can come in the form a doula. A doula has received extensive training in encouraging naturally birthing mothers and may have attended dozens of natural births. She will not interfere with mom and dad, but as an expert in normal birth and as an objective member of the birth team she may be able to make gentle suggestions and give needed encouragement.
Birth Boot Camp Dads Don't Coach The relief in men's faces when they are told they don't have to be the "birth coach" is priceless, someday I'll have to set up a hidden camera. Dads have an irreplaceable role in the birth of their child, and that's to love mom. He knows her better than anyone else, he may be able to anticipate her needs before she even knows them herself. Birth Boot Camp helps dad apply what he already knows about his partner to comforting her physically and emotionally in labor. Mom and dad are encouraged to let go of the birth fears perpetuated by our culture, and both mom AND dad will gain the knowledge necessary to be relaxed and comfortable with the birth process. Birth Boot Camp Training and Transparency Your Birth Boot Camp instructor completed on average, 9 months worth of study to receive her certification and she must add to her education every year in order to remain certified. The required reading includes 13 books and films. You can see the complete list of requirements here. Birth Boot Camp has also vowed to remain transparent and publishes their unmedicated birth and cesarean rates every year so couples can see that Birth Boot Camp has a measurable impact in helping couples achieve a natural birth today. The Bradley Method Training and Transparency Bradley teachers have some of the same requirements as Birth Boot Camp instructors, like having birthed naturally and breastfed their babies, but the amount of study required is significantly less, only 4 books, the two I have cited above and two others. Even with revisions, the information in the Bradley publications are dated. Being old does not make a book bad of course, some of my favorite books are super old, but having outdated information is a disservice to teachers and couples. The Bradley Method boasts an 86% success rate in helping couples achieve an unmedicated, spontaneous birth. This stat has not changed for as long as I can remember. Not only are we not sure how the AAHCC came by that number (Over which years? Were all mothers included or were some excluded for various reasons?), but couples today have no idea if the Bradley Method has continued to be effective as epidural and c-section rates rise and hospital policies and midwifery laws change. Bradley Method Today When deciding whether to certify as a Bradley Method or Birth Boot Camp teacher I called the AAHCC to find out how materials were updated. I had read the required coursework and was concerned about the outdated suggestions made. I was told that I had the most revised copies and that "birth hasn't changed, so there isn't much to update." I understand that perspective, the uterus of the modern woman works just as effectively as they did 1000 years ago. Woven deep into our DNA are all the same instincts our ancestors had and babies are still eager and active participants in their births. However, we don't birth in timeless, culture-less vacuums. Birth has changed! In the 1940's fathers in the delivery room was truly innovative, but today it's standard policy, barely worth mentioning in class. In 1970 only 5% of births were by cesarean section, today it's 33%. Major shifts in the medical system and in our culture led to that change. In the 1990's natural birth gained more support, hospitals offered mothers comforts from home, and after a rise in c-sections, VBAC's (vaginal birth after cesarean) were suddenly being encouraged! The future looked bright! Today most hospitals have established VBAC bans, and couples face obstacles to natural birth that Dr. Bradley could have never foreseen in his lifetime, which is no fault of his own! Although Bradley teachers could research and update the class curriculum and videos on their own, they are strongly discouraged to by the AAHCC. We owe Dr. Bradley our deepest gratitude for seeing that women could in fact birth naturally and that fathers deserved to be apart of birth. Are women just as capable of birthing naturally today, absolutely! But a couple deserves the most current information when preparing for such an important life event. Were women shaved and given enemas in the 1970's, absolutely. Do you need to embarrass yourself by mentioning it on your birth plan today? From personal experience... no, no you don't. I really hope you found this helpful in showing some basic differences in the philosophies and content of two seemingly similar natural childbirth classes. A Rainbow Baby Home Water Birth with a cord wrapped around his neck, arm, and chest! Rosie and I had our second sons the same month, at least, we were due the same month, mine came early. We have remained friends in the years since and watched each other grow our families. I'm honored she was willing to share the birth of her third son and rainbow baby (a baby born after a loss of a baby) here. The Birth of Bronn Everett Friday, January 10th, one day before my due date, I woke up at 3:30am to use the restroom and had several prodromal labor contractions 4-5 minutes apart. I became antsy hoping this would turn into "real" labor and so I started my last load of laundry and ate breakfast. I decided that if I'd had a few more that I would alert my mom and midwife Shannon since my last 2 labors were very quick--I didn't want them missing it. I sat on the couch to play a little Candy Crush and the contractions quickly petered out back to just crampy braxton hicks and 10+ minutes apart. At 4:30am I declared it prodromal labor and went back to bed to try to get some sleep before my boys woke up. At about 4:45am, my 2 1/2 year old son Axton came to bed with us. I got him settled in our side-carried crib and patted his back. I was quite uncomfortable with the back cramping I was experiencing (and had been for the last 4 days) and was having a hard time falling back asleep. At 5:15am, just as I was drifting off to sleep I felt something that I couldn't decide if it was a huge punch from baby or my water breaking. I decided to get up and check, and sure enough, it was my water. I put on a pad and got breakfast and the TV going for Axton, since he woke up when I got out of bed. I called Shannon, who asked if I'd like her to go ahead and come on over. I felt really silly asking her to come since I hadn't had any contractions since my water breaking, so we decided she'd get up and ready and I would text her when I started having contractions. I called my mother and sister Candice to go ahead and come over, woke up my husband, and put my in-laws on alert. At 5:30am I texted Shannon that I'd had a couple contractions. I was having a hard time timing them, as I'd have one, then forget to hit stop as I tried to take my last pregnant belly picture, brush my teeth, fix my hair, and put on makeup (hey, so I'm vain...). My guess is about 3 minutes apart. I had a bit of bloody show at 5:40, but not much. I updated my Facebook due date group and my personal page that I'd be having a baby that day and turned on my water in the bathtub. My mom showed up about 5:55am and Shannon showed up about 6:10am. She checked my blood pressure, temperature, and checked baby's heartbeat as I sat on my birth ball. At this point the contractions were becoming very tough and intense and required my full attention. I leaned over the bed and closed my eyes and tried to relax through them, but was already having a hard time doing so; the pressure was so intense in my lower back, and I was also experiencing very painful cramps in my lower back and lower abdomen in conjunction with the tightness and pressure of the contractions. They began coming every 2 minutes and lasting over a minute. After a few more contractions, I was already feeling overwhelmed with the intensity and pain and began crying. I promptly decided it was time to get in the tub, even though it wasn't even half full. I donned my "traditional birthing tank," as my sister calls it, and climbed in the tub. The water felt great, but unfortunately didn't provide as much relief as I remember it having with my other two water births. My husband Corey climbed in after me and I assumed my position draped over his knee. Upon seeing the two of us in the tub, Logan (5 1/2) and Axton decided they wanted a bath too. My mom helped them put on their swim trunks and they came in with us for about 10 minutes or so. They played a bit and hugged me a bit, then I needed them out. The contractions weren't quite letting up between each peak; they would peak and die back down, but the cramping in my back didn't let up and then I'd have another wave of contraction. Sometime around 7, the time really escaped me this labor, my sister Candice, student midwife Amber, and my father-in-law arrived. My father-in-law helped watch the boys and warm more water on the stove for the tub, as I later learned we were having problems with the water pressure and so the warm water ran out before the tub was full, and my mother and sister took pictures and videos for me. Shortly thereafter I began feeling my body squeezing with each peak of the contractions and called Shannon into the bathroom. The contractions felt too much to handle at this point and I began repeating "you can do this. Come on, baby. Come on down" in my head. I also remember telling my husband "this is stupid. I can't do this anymore" :) Shannon gave me encouragement telling me how strong I was. In between these "pushy" contractions, my body gave me a little rest as I felt like there was more time in between these contractions than what I was feeling before. I knew my body would begin pushing soon and tried to prepare myself mentally for what I knew would be hard. At about 7:30, my body began to bear down, and my first thought was "no, I'm not ready," but there was no stopping it. I was involuntarily shaking and crying, the intensity was just too much to bear. I had to make myself try to keep my sounds low as I cried out (embarrassingly loudly) "owwww" and "whoooo". After two pushing contractions I announced that I felt his head. Two more contractions, crying, and grunting and his head was out. He had a tight nuchal (around his neck) cord, and my body hadn't given me another contraction yet. Shannon asked if I was ready to have my baby and helped me deliver the body. I could feel his body wasn't in the best position coming out, so birthing his body was not as easy or painless as it had been with my other two boys whose bodies slid out with a push. She passed him to me and I pulled him out of the water. He did not instantly pink up out of the water since his cord was not only wrapped around his neck but around his arm and around his chest. Shannon and I did a quick fumble/scramble to get him untangled and I brought him to my chest. I did it. It was soo hard, but I did it. My baby was here. He wasn't crying, but I knew all was well when he turned his head and looked directly at me with wide open eyes. When he rooted and tried to nurse through my shirt, all worries melted away--he was going to be fine. I rubbed his back, cooed over his tiny head full of dark hair, and watched him pink up as his brothers came in to meet him. We marveled at how tiny he was, which Shannon and Amber laughed about, but he is my smallest baby, so to me he IS so tiny. After we cut the cord and I delivered the placenta, he nursed like a champ and Shannon did his assessment. I forgot to mention that since he had turned head down around 28 weeks, he had been direct occiput posterior, OP, with a hand on his face that would slip down into my pelvic inlet at times (his back at my back and a hand that might possibly come out at the same time as his head...basically the most unfavorable position for labor and birth). Most OP babies give their mamas lots of prodromal labor, a hard and long back labor, and a long pushing time (not to mention if that hand came out with his head). January 6th and the 9th, I saw my chiropractor for the Webster adjustment to hopefully get my pelvis in line for him to turn anterior (his face at my back, or the most favorable position for labor and birth), and while it did help alleviate the pain I was feeling in my pubic bone, he still remained posterior. He remained OP throughout labor, giving me intense back labor, but did emerge anterior. I can't say exactly when he turned, but I'm sure it had something to do with him being nice and tangled. My beautiful rainbow baby Bronn Everett was 7lb 13oz, 19 1/2", born at 7:39am on January 10, 2014, after a very hard 2 hours and 20 minutes of labor. And he was worth every second of it. “To be a rainbow baby does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears in the sky, it does not mean that the storm never happened, or that the family is not still dealing with its sadness aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds…..and that light is you. Storm clouds may still hover but a “rainbow baby” provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and hope.” You're puking, your tummy is bloating, and your back hurts... sexy is probably not the first word you'd choose to describe pregnancy. While it might be tempting for you or your partner, you should consider not putting sex on hold for the next 9 months plus 2 months (don't forget about postpartum!). Sex is good for mom, for dad, and even has benefits for baby.
Sex is safe for most pregnant moms Unless your doctor or midwife has instructed you not to, it is perfectly safe to have sex during all stages of pregnancy, even in labor as long as your water hasn't broken. YES some couples have sex when mom is in labor, and there are benefits to that as well. It's important to remember to take it slow. Pregnancy causes all kinds of hormonal shifts, some women want more sex and some want less. Dryness, an extra sensitive cervix, and post sex spotting are all possible reasons to take things slow. Here are 9 reasons (one for every month!) to make time for sex in pregnancy. Remember moms, do what feels right for you. Partners, please respect mom's comfort levels. 9 Benefits to Sex in Pregnancy 1. Better Sleep Every stage of pregnancy can affect mom's sleep. Frequent bathroom trips can begin in the first trimester by the third trimester mom's well rounded tummy can make sleep uncomfortable. Some women experience hormone induced insomnia. Sex can be a solution to sleep issues because immediately after orgasm prolactin is released, which helps mom feel relaxed and sleepy. A better night's sleep means a more energized mama in the morning! 2. Fewer Aches Many pregnant women long to climb into bed all day, only to find they can't get comfortable once they get there. A quickly growing uterus can put unique strains on the body which sometimes cause pain. Sex, however, can block pain! Oxytocin, aka the "love hormone," is released during orgasm and has pain blocking and pain tolerance rising qualities. We will talk more about oxytocin later! 3. Improved Immune System Everyone is talking about how you can boost your immune system. Research has shown people who have sex often are sick less. Pregnant women already have a suppressed immune system. Sex boosts antibodies and may help you ward off that cold... which is really the last think you need when awaiting the arrival of your little one! 4. Stronger Pelvic Floor (Less Likely to Pee on the Floor) Many pregnant women have been there, you sneeze, laugh, someone surprises you... and you pee unexpectedly. Your pelvic floor is like a trampoline holding up all the organs in your pelvis and helps with bladder control. There are two ways in which sex can strengthen your pelvic floor: partner kegels or "sexercise" and orgasm. Kegels are when you contract the pelvic floor muscles, you can locate these muscles by stopping the flow of urine. Partner kegels can be done during intercourse. Practice kegels on your own and then check in periodically with your partner and find out if you are getting stronger. Also, orgasm causes contractions in these muscles, you get a workout that actually IS fun! 5. Lowers Blood Pressure Your diet is important in helping to maintain a healthy blood pressure in pregnancy, but sex has also been shown to be effective in lowering systolic blood pressure. Keeping your blood pressure in a healthy range can mean keeping you and baby healthy and keeping your pregnancy low risk, avoiding an induction or even a c-section. 6. Boosts Mood Sometimes pregnancy is hard. Being tired and uncomfortable can take a toll on our overall mood. Orgasm can help boost your mood by releasing endorphins which are good for mom and baby! Oxytocin also fosters attachment and closeness between mom and dad, making for a happier relationship. Did you know orgasms did so many cool things? 7. Less Stress Pregnancy should be a beautiful time in a couple's life, but there are times where it can be a source of stress. Again, orgasms can be a source of relief! Oxytocin and endorphins activate pleasure centers in the brain that can reduce anxiety and even depression. 8. Start or Progress Labor Semen contains prostaglandins which help soften and dilate the cervix, and orgasm will give you a big rush of oxytocin which is the hormone that creates contractions that will bring baby down and into this world. If your body is ready, sex can encourage labor to begin! Once in labor, sometimes the closeness or working together through contractions and the high levels of oxytocin can actually be arousing. As long as mom's water hasn't broken, it is completely safe, and actually beneficial to have sex in labor. Most couples don't talk about it because it can sound weird, but I personally know quite a few couples who have had sex in early and active labor, which can actually further progress labor and bring baby into the world sooner. 9. Faster Recovery By keeping her pelvic floor strong in pregnancy, after baby's birth her muscles will recover much quicker. A strong pelvic floor may have made baby's delivery easier, and mom would have been less likely to tear, making for a recovery with much less pain. Be sure to check with your care provider to makes sure sex is safe in your pregnancy. If it is, you have 9 reasons to not kiss intimacy goodbye. |
EventsNatural Birth Series
Sept 28 – Nov 15 Carmel, 6:30–9pm Register Infant Sleep for Expecting & New Parents September 28th 6:30pm - 9:00pm Register Gentle Cesarean: Planning & Recovery September 30th Toro Park, 3-6:30pm Register Natural Birth Refresher October 15th Salinas, 1– 4pm Register Preconception & Early Pregnancy Class October 22nd Salinas, 1– 4pm Register Sibling Prep for Parents & Kids November 4th & 5th Toro Park, 2:-4pm Register Fall Home & Birth Center Birth Series Nov 7 – Dec 12 Salinas 7pm–9pm Register VBAC Class November 12th Salinas, 1–4pm Register Natural Birth Series Nov 29th – Jan 17th Salinas 6:30–9pm Register Archives
January 2017
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